Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
