And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
