Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
