OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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