and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
