i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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