You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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