i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
