All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
