i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
