they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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