i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
