fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
