frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
