we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
