I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
