its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
