Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
