The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
