I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
