Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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