Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
