Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
