yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
