The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
