There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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