I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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