oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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