I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
