i just google imaged poop.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
