I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
