i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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