3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
