What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
