My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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