as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
