my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
