no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he shaved USA in his pubs
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
