Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
