you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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