dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
