yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
