how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
