I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Alive.
So much puke
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
