Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
