someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
