just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
