I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
