I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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