I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
