I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
