apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
