every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
