I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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