we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
