I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize