it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so let's talk penis.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
