I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
