I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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