If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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