Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
