he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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