Jerry, you need to find god
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
