I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
