Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize