Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
