he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
