I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
