I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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