Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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