He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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