Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
