i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
