Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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