I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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