Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
