Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
