we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
