A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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