My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
