you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize