had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
