We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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