you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
