You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize