Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.

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(720): View more from Colorado

i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.

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(240): View more from Maryland

She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.

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(716): View more from New York

You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.

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(310): View more from California

he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed

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(305): View more from Florida

I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.

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(253): View more from Washington

I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking

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(607): View more from New York

I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.

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