never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
