either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
