My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
nutella sex= disaster
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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