did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
