Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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