i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
