just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize