He is such a slut. More and more my type.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
whose parrot is this?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
