RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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