I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
