Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
