We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
