I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
