She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
