Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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