I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize