who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
