hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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