finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
