1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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