Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
