You don't have asthma, your pregnant
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Come on in and take your pants off
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