its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
