I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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