If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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