I got chris browned last night
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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